The Office of the President Elect has asked Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to resign. Blagojevich, of course, does not like that idea. So what if he was trying to sell a US Senate seat, he might say. In his defense, others have probably done this in the past. Blago is just the dummy that got caught. So when will Blagojevich resign? Under what circumstances? We tried to think of a ten things that would result in Blago stepping down.
Blagojevich will resign if…
- …all charges against him are dropped and he gets to take Obama’s vacant seat himself
- …Revered Jeremiah Wright, Fr. Pfleger AND Rev. Jesse Jackson all promise him he won’t go to hell (Jackson must also stop crying about not being elected the first all-black president)
- …he gets a guarantee of no jail time and his wife gets a $300,000 a year job on the board of Planned Parenthood
- …$500,000 is secretly deposited in a Swiss bank account in Blago’s name and he is allowed to leave the country
- …Obama, Dick Durbin and Rich Daley resign first and agree to give him $50,000 each
- …David Axelrod agrees to meet with him and assure him that he won’t go to prison and will instead be appointed to a high ranking position in the justice department
- …Tony Rezko agrees to find him some Ocean-front property in Greece where he can retire peacefully
- …if he gets to blow up the home of the US Attorney Fitzgerald with the help of Bill Ayers
- …if Rashid Khalidi can get him a lucrative job with some business owned by a wealthy Jewish businessman overseas
- …if he gets his own book deal and a reality TV series staring his wife, Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus, former Illinois Governor George Ryan (also in prison), and David Cassidy.
Afterall, he (or his talk dirty wife) might say, “I’ve got something really F______ valuable here! I’m not F______ going to give it the F___ away for nothing!”