AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATISTS…
BARACK HUGO OBAMA: “This is President Barack Obama. Uhm, remember that little press conference I had this week? You know, the one where I said ‘it’s all on me‘ that you feel bad about losing your plan? Yeah, that one. Well, I said I would fix it. I promised I’d issue a royal decree that says insurance companies have to be nice to you and offer you back your old plan. There! Done. See what I did there? I fixed it.
No more worries. You can all get over your little temper tantrum now and remember: congress lied to you too! I even heard ol’ Nancy Pelosi said this week she never said if you like your plan, you can keep it. Ha! Then that mean ol’ rag, the American Thinker, they went and dug up that she did say it! See! I told you. And THAT was not a lie.
So, well, I’m goin’ along thinking everything’s good now, right?
Then I hear some state insurance commissioners have decided on their own, without any constitutional authority to defy me, that they just aren’t going to allow the insurance companies to issue those old plans again. Now, just you nevermind that it would be illegal to do so cuzza my Obamacare plan, I mean, it’s not like I would prosecute them. [PAUSE] I mean, now dangit, let me be perfectly clear so you all don’t have a cow. What ‘we’ have always said was that I would not prosecute them [PAUSE] IF they were democrats. Okay, there! Don’t go gettin’ your undies all in bundle now.
So, I guess ‘we’ are here today now, er… uh… I mean ‘I’ am here today to say, look, I’m tired of this talk about me lyin’ all the time. I WAS JUST KIDDING, when I said at the press conference this week that if you like your plan you can keep it. It’s a joke! It is supposed to be funny. All you people need to lighten up. Have some fun! Don’t go listenin’ to that Rush Limbo all day. He’ll just make you angry.
See! I won’t do that. I won’t make you angry. I’ll just tell you jokes. Like, uh… here’s one… did you hear the one about where I said this week again that if you like your plan, you can keep it for a few more weeks?! Ha! Now that’s funny right ‘der!
So I think all y’all just need to relax and enjoy your old plans and your old doctor for a few more days. I mean, what’s the big deal anyway? You had a lousy doctor and lousy plan. I fixed all that. Did you hear me? I said I fixed all that! Ha! See there! That was another one there! Another joke. Ahhh… I’ll tell ya. I crack myself up.